A Note to Students at the end of the Fall, 2025 semester: Embrace rituals.
For many, the next several weeks are devoted to family and rituals, both spiritual and secular. As you participate in the big rituals that mark this time of year, also pay attention to the small rituals that add meaning to our daily lives.
I’m a fan of a weekly New York Times email newsletter by Lauren Jackson called Believing. Jackson writes about “how people live religion and spirituality." Her November 30 newsletter featured an interview with Casper ter Kuile, author of The Power of Ritual. As Kuile put it, “we are meaning-making creatures. Ritual is often how we make that meaning.” For Kuile, rituals tell a story, help with transitions, and can change us by “interrupting us.” Unlike a habit, which is done for an end or without thinking (tapping your pocket before pulling your door shut to be sure you have your keys), a ritual has meaning beyond its immediate function.
Nathan R. Kollar, professor emeritus of religious studies at St. John Fisher University, argues that “rituals pattern our daily life and our entire life cycle. We need rituals to live.” In this light, rituals aren’t just what we do, rituals are part of who we are. Unsurprisingly, what is and is not a ritual is a matter of fierce debate among academics. For my purposes here, this definition from the BBC works: "a predefined sequence of symbolic actions" often characterised by formality and repetition that lacks direct instrumental purpose." A ritual is a routine or regular act to which we give meaning and from which we take meaning. Rituals help us situate ourselves in something greater than the moment we happen to find ourselves in.
November through January are full of feasts and festivals of all flavors. These big rituals matter because they tell stories of where we came from, who we are, why we are here, and what comes next. They give context to our daily lives by existing outside of our daily lives. Other big rituals include birthdays, weddings, and funerals. These are days set aside to celebrate things that have happened in a life, they are time-outs from the life they honor. Big rituals are pauses on a trail to reflect on how far we have come and to enjoy the view. They are ways of saying “we have a long way to go, but look at how far we have come and what it means to be here.”
Small rituals matter as well. Small rituals are little pieces of life that matter because they affirm and make sense of that life.
Our daily lives are full of small rituals. Athletes have pre-game rituals and fans have rituals that turn showing up at a venue into something that transcends the sport. Many of us have rituals that are more than habits but less than ceremonies - what we do before the morning doomscroll or right before bed, how we prepare for a presentation or speech, what we do before a long trip, the things that locate our lives in something greater.
As I write this, I am recognizing that my daily life is short of small rituals. I have routines (wake up, go downstairs, turn on the coffee pot, check email, doom scroll while I drink coffee). There is no joy or meaning, just tasks I do in a specific order. Days I spend like this are days that pass. I do things at home to get ready for the things I do at work, then I go home and do things that get me ready to start the cycle all over again. Days turn into an endless Tuesday in March. Adding rituals to my daily life is a goal I’ll work on over the break.
Routines are important. Regularly doing healthy things is a smart thing to do. Things like trying to go to bed and wake up at the same time, exercising, getting sunlight, and so on. The internet is full of ‘Routines to Hack Your Life for Happiness,’ and many are good to do. But they are also more or less ways of jumping out of bed onto a hamster wheel a little more efficiently. They are healthy actions devoid of meaning.
Rituals add meaning or depth to the routine. As Maria Popova put it, “...routine aims to make the chaos of everyday life more containable and controllable, ritual aims to imbue the mundane with an element of the magical. The structure of routine comforts us, and the specialness of ritual vitalizes us.”
A morning routine could be coffee and yogurt. A morning ritual could be coffee, yogurt, and listening to the birds and watching the light change outside. Not in a “Heard a bird: Check; Light moved, seems orange: Check” sort of a way, but in a “take a few deep breaths (don’t count them, counting them misses the point) and listen to how the birds respond to the light and how the light changes the color of the sky” sort of a way. Feel the birds and the light, and emotionally respond. Use the moment to pause on the path, to reflect on the days behind you and the day to come. Enjoy the view. Routines are about doing. Rituals are about being. The former can help get the doing done, the latter gives the doing meaning.