April 15, 2025
A friend recently emailed me an opinion piece about what's wrong with higher education and how to fix it. The piece was terrible. The author had a credential that made it sound like he knew what he was talking about, but I expect the verb tense matters a lot here - the insight might have been true a decade ago, but just isn't accurate in April 2025. I wrote a long ranty reply explaining, in detail, why the piece was silly. A couple of hours later I noticed it was still in my draft folder, unsent. I reread my rant, deleted all of it, and instead said something like “Thanks for sending, interesting insights, hope you're well…” A much better response. My friend wasn't looking for my wisdom or trying to tell me what to do, she saw something in which she thought I might be interested and thought to send it to me. The point wasn't the piece, the point was the thought.
The episode was a reminder that people usually tell you things because they want to help. Thank them for that. If someone says, “It looks like rain, don't forget an umbrella,” don't tell them you know, or that it won't rain according to your phone. Say “thank you, good idea.” Whether or not you bring an umbrella doesn't matter, what matters is that your friend gave you advice they thought would be helpful. Thank them for the offer of help.
Of course I do this to others as well. I'm constantly giving advice that's either obvious or obviously wrong, offering pointless insights, and sending terrible essays to my friends. Mostly people are polite, thank me, and get on with their lives.
A former colleague was fond of saying “It doesn't cost anything to be gracious.” A lesson I'm grateful my computer reminded me of last week, and one I will try to remember in the future.