I wrote the first draft of this note on the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Like a lot of people in DC, I remember where I was when I heard the news and have stories about the weeks and months that followed. That was also the morning after the shooting conservative pundit Charlie Kirk, the shooting at a high school in Colorado, and other deadly violence that will never make it into your social media feeds.
At the beginning of the week, I was going to write about the importance of paying attention and being deliberate. That seems like good, evergreen advice that I’m trying to follow more in my life. The morning after the shootings in Utah and Colorado I reconsidered. Shouldn’t I respond to the news of the week? But on reflection, I think my original idea is a more timely message today than it was last Wednesday morning.
It is easy to be focused and deliberate when things are easy. Everyone can be heroic when heroism means being the person who remembered to bring coffee or fixed the wi-fi. Those are important things – I could always use another cup of coffee and the wi-fi in our building was spotty last week.
But this hasn’t been an easy week. Which means now it’s time to do hard things. That starts with paying attention and being deliberate.
Pay attention not just to the headlines and talking points. Also pay attention to who gains what from saying what. Are people advancing their own agendas? Venting? Virtue signaling? Trying to find new answers to questions that genuinely trouble them? What is driving the commentary and actions? Paying attention means focusing on the conversation you’re in, not trying to multi-task or think of clever retorts. Paying attention requires focus and curiosity.
Being deliberate means considering what you want out of an interaction and taking the steps you need to get there. Before tossing something into the digital void, consider why you’re doing it. Know your goal and how people are likely to respond. Consider how what you are saying might be heard, and how in turn others may respond.
As some of you know, my life is governed in part by post-it notes. There are several around my office that say “Pay Attention. Be Deliberate.” I'm going to take my post-it notes’ advice, I encourage you to do the same.